Tuesday, August 19, 2008

HAND-TO-MOUTH DISEASE: The True Cause of Fatness

Yes, there is a direct correlation between putting food in your mouth and gaining weight!

No, folks, it's not an old wives's tale. There is an honest to God connection with eating and weight gain. If you go back a few posts and read my rant about people beginning to photosynthesize like plants, you'll understand my frustration and, thus, this current rant.

As a card carrying member of the National Weight Loss Registry , a food scientist, Nutrition Professor, and overall food expert, I feel comfortable with my analysis that eating too much contributes to fatness.

In my Weight Loss Classes at the Adult Schools in Summit, Chatham, Florham Park and Madison, (see my web site to register), I am constantly challenged by seemingly intelligent people that simply do not understand the "Hand-To-Mouth" theory of fatness. They seem to want a more complex reason as to why they simply can not maintain normal weight. "There must be some hormonal imbalance..."; "I am big-boned......"; "I eat too many carbs..."; "Dr. Phil said to love myself more...";

No, folks, the answer is simple: You suffer from "Hand-to-Mouth Disease". There is hope!! Try one of the following:

1. Close the mouth more often.

2. Restrict your hand to within 1 foot of the mouth.

3. Avoid bending the elbow.

4. Buy only the food that you dislike, and keep plenty of it around.

5. Only go to terrible restaurants with bad food.

If all else fails, hire a personal trainer and nutritionist. Then, join an expensive gym; join Jenny Craig; Zone Chefs, and buy all the hokey diet books you can carry.

Perhaps then you will not have enough money to buy too much food .


1 comment:

Unknown said...


I'm a student of the psychology class you lectured to today, and I wanted to thank you for blowing holes in many of the myths surrounding obesity in America. Your approach was not only palpable but reassuring.
I've actually been looking into this subject on my own recently. My research has led me to a greater appreciation of the law of conservation of energy, which states (as I'm sure you know) that energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another. When I equate "energy" to calories, the argument that weight gain results from taking in more calories than the body converts to energy makes a lot of sense. It was a pleasure to hear you reaffirm this idea for me.
Thanks again for talking to the class, you have a great blog here and I'll be sure to pass it along to those who need it.