Tuesday, August 19, 2008

HAND-TO-MOUTH DISEASE: The True Cause of Fatness

Yes, there is a direct correlation between putting food in your mouth and gaining weight!

No, folks, it's not an old wives's tale. There is an honest to God connection with eating and weight gain. If you go back a few posts and read my rant about people beginning to photosynthesize like plants, you'll understand my frustration and, thus, this current rant.

As a card carrying member of the National Weight Loss Registry , a food scientist, Nutrition Professor, and overall food expert, I feel comfortable with my analysis that eating too much contributes to fatness.

In my Weight Loss Classes at the Adult Schools in Summit, Chatham, Florham Park and Madison, (see my web site to register), I am constantly challenged by seemingly intelligent people that simply do not understand the "Hand-To-Mouth" theory of fatness. They seem to want a more complex reason as to why they simply can not maintain normal weight. "There must be some hormonal imbalance..."; "I am big-boned......"; "I eat too many carbs..."; "Dr. Phil said to love myself more...";

No, folks, the answer is simple: You suffer from "Hand-to-Mouth Disease". There is hope!! Try one of the following:

1. Close the mouth more often.

2. Restrict your hand to within 1 foot of the mouth.

3. Avoid bending the elbow.

4. Buy only the food that you dislike, and keep plenty of it around.

5. Only go to terrible restaurants with bad food.

If all else fails, hire a personal trainer and nutritionist. Then, join an expensive gym; join Jenny Craig; Zone Chefs, and buy all the hokey diet books you can carry.

Perhaps then you will not have enough money to buy too much food .